$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
