Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
