I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
