How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
