please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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