hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
