I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
