Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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