the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
