I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
BRING THE BAGELS
If I die, sorry about rent.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize