I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
