im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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