Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
