Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
