I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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