And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
