if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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