She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i've created a new STD.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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