is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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