It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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