We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
