Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize