and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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