Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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