Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
