I just saw a hot homeless man
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How naked do you want me to be?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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