Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
