I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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