I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
