she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize