I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
