I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
