Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
