i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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