Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
