If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
