I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
