Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
