He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
