if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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