it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
FUCK WHALES
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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