i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
