Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
