god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
