Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
