How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
time to smoke my breakfast
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dignity is for republicans.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
