You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am spending my child support on dildos
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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