She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
