I just cut my nipple shaving
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who died my cat blue again?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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