I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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