i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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