You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
