We're like a lot better than the average bears
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
