grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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