You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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