I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
