You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
