Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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