im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
