I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He did a backflip because drugs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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