I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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