I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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