I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize