worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
