she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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