so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
