just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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