Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
