17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
