This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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