I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
