planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
