I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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