I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
