Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
did you just send me my own nude
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
