You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
