I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
