adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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