You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize