She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
