Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
