Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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