Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
