i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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