he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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