My underwear smells like fireworks.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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