I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
