I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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