he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
