you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
