Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
