Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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