There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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