I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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