he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize