Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize