We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
