Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize