Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
