so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
