Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
