Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
