I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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