in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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