people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize