paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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