i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
