we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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